Sometimes I just need to write about what's going on right now. And right now I'm freaking out. Last night all the money was drained from the joint account I share with my husband. We know a legal order was obtained to drain the account but are waiting for the legal department at the bank to open so we can figure out who took the money and why because as far as we know, there are no outstanding debts in our names. Actually, I know it's in his name because my business account was untouched.
It's scary to hand your trust over to someone, to had over your credit and your entire life. We've been married for two and a half years and in that time his past has come to bite us in the ass more times than I can count. Sometimes I have to look deep inside myself and ask if it's worth it. But it is. It always is.
My husband is a good husband. He loves me so much. He holds me while I cry for my dead fiance. He doesn't get jealous. He holds me while I cry for the family that abondoned me. He does anything I ask. He puts forth so much effort. I know his past haunts him just as much as it does me. And I know he has the addition of the constant fear that I will leave him for the mistakes he's made. I don't have that because I know I love him, too. I know I'm not leaving.
I'm not leaving the man who took care of two kids on his own after his ex-wife disappeared not to be seen or heard from for five years. I'm not leaving the man who took on the responsibility of my daughter after her own father abandoned me during pregnancy. I'm not leaving the man who has seen me at my worst, my absolute lowest, screaming and crying, unshowered, unbathed, undone and who has still managed to kiss my dirty mouth and make me feel beautiful.
Money is scary sometimes. Paying bills and maintaining a home for three kids is stressful. But it's not what marriage is about. It's not what my marriage is about.
We'll get through this.
We'll laugh about it someday,
drunk on a beach,
rich as hell,
together.
I love you, honey.
No comments:
Post a Comment